Loco Spanish Headlines

Monday, September 16, 2019
By Martin Myall

Diario Vasco: An Argentinean Senator sells eggs as a means of financing his election campaign.

El Diario Montañés: A female teacher tied her 16 pupils to their desks, so that she could leave them unattended.

20 Minutos: A man was arrested after reporting to the police that a man had bought marijuana from him using forged notes.

Qué!: A bride, moments after being wed, eloped with the bride- groom’s best man, driving off in the newly-weds’ car.

Qué!: A man managed to stab himself, accidentally, in the eye with a butter knife and came out of it unscathed.

Diario de Mallorca: The crew of a yacht that sunk, thought to be carrying 3,000 kilos of hashish, were acquitted from drug smuggling as there is no way of establishing the purity or quantity of the cargo.

Diario de Mallorca: A burglar was tracked down and arrested, thanks to his having left several amputated toes behind at the scene of the break in.

El Mundo: The ex-mayoress of Marbella slapped a minor after he called her a ‘choriza’ (petty thug).

Público: A woman, who swallowed her toothbrush by accident, said that it happened because she had soapy hands.

La Nueva España: A drunk driver was acquitted because the Local Police, after stopping him and charging him with drink- driving, made him drive home in that state.

El Mundo: A woman managed to save her husband’s life, after he had just suffered a heart attack, by giving him a coronary massage to the rhythm of the Bee-Gees’ hit, ‘Staying Alive.’

20 Minutos: A young woman auctioned off her virginity and now the Tax Department wants half the earnings.

ADN: Swaziland intends putting a mark on the buttocks of those that are HIV carriers.

El País: A protest march by local police members tried to hire ‘speakers,’ but a misunderstanding led to their being sent two strippers by mistake.

Heraldo de Aragón: A man plummeted down into his own basement when the floor under the toilet he was using collapsed.

Diario de Navarra: A man was acquitted of having forged a blue-zone ticket because, says the Judge, it was such a bad imitation, that nobody would have been taken in by it.

La Razón: Spanish teachers use up 16% of their teaching time trying to get their students to be quiet.

Meaneame.net: A priest was arrested for peddling human body parts.

Diario de Mallorca: 70 passengers got off their aeroplane and refused to board again after the flight crew had asked them to change places within the cabin to balance the load.

Norte de Castilla: A funeral-parlour owner breaks a world record after having knocked up 707,335 coffins in 30 years.

ABC: A small crustacean is capable of ejaculating 10 times its own mass. (Sounds fishy to me – Ed)

Meneame.net: A British man circumcised himself using a pair of nail clippers.

Noticias de Pamplona: A chimpanzee in a Chinese zoo spits and smokes because it is sexually unsatisfied.

Diario de Mallorca: A man accidentally fell to his death, whilst trying to hang himself from his balcony.

(News/Looking Back: Spain)

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