The Céltic Club de Fútbol of Pulianas (near Granada) has expelled a player after he hit a linesman with his penis… yes, you read that correctly.

Now, it should be pointed out that the footballer was not playing in the match at the time, but watching it as a spectator.

There was a bit of confusion when the story first broke over the sex of the linesman – it was originally claimed that it was a woman.

Anyway, the club decided that it did not want “its image sullied by such lamentable acts,” so they threw him out of the team.

So how did this penis-attack happen? Well, it seems that in some point during the match, he burst onto the pitch, unleashed his weapon and tried to smite the linesman with it.

The referee later affirmed that both he and the assailed linesman clearly identified the aggressor – we can only hope that it was because they recognised his face…

The fact that the man was wearing his team’s tracksuit was also a bit of a giveaway, plus the fact the referee recognized him from previous matches where he had played.

The Mayor of Las Gabias (the Gabias team was one of the teams playing), Vanessa Polo Gil, described the incident as “abominable and utterly detestable.” She went on to state that such “terrible, violent attitudes” should not be allowed to besmirch the image of her local team.

Editorial comment: how could there not be an editorial comment? Attempting to beat somebody with your penis, no matter how well endowed you are, does not conjure up images of violence – I mean, if you did it “violently,” it would surely hurt you more than the intended target. Just saying…

(News: Las Gabias, Granada, Andalucia)