Three Wonky World Articles

Gold Dump

It has been a dream of many over the centuries, the belief that it is possible to turn other metals into gold. Well, Paul Moran from Northern Ireland, in a whole new take on the alchemy theme, got himself into deep poo by trying to turn his faeces into gold.

Honestly, Mr. Moran put his faeces on an electric heater, firmly believing it would turn into gold. He soon realised his idea was a load of crap when he managed to set fire to his home.

These actions landed him before a judge, who, after hearing that Moran had caused 3,200 euros worth of damage to his rented home, sent him to prison for three months for arson and endangering the lives of others.

Moran’s lawyer, Des Fahy, is obviously full of bull, too as he told the court that his client had “considerable intellectual ability.”

The judge, who wasn’t listening to any crap, dealt with the matter in quick time, “It was an interesting experiment to fulfil the alchemist’s dream, but wasn’t going to succeed… three months in prison… next!”

 

Greek Ink Shortage

If you had put stories like this into a book ten years ago, people would have laughed in the face of such an imagination. Well, crazy or not, it is absolutely true that the Greek tax office has pretty much run out of ink with which to print its tax bills.

According to sources in the office, they have enough ink to print about another 300,000 documents and they are now asking for taxpayers to get their documents online and print them out at home.

Austerity measures, which have included cutbacks in the public sector, seem to be the most likely cause of this problem, with the company that supplies the ink refusing to deliver, as they haven’t been paid.

According to the ministry, they are in negotiations with another company to supply ink for the next three years and they hope to have the deal signed by the end of the year.

 

Wayward Warden

The warden of a prison in Costa Rica was arrested for drink driving after ploughing his grey Renault Clio into twelve vehicles. Well, if you’re going to mess up, do a proper job.

Our wobbly warden, Ronald Herrera, began his dodgems-type drive home in Sabanilla, which is more or less in the centre of Costa Rica, where he managed to hit three other vehicles.

He then fled and was chased to his home in the Málaga residential area, unfortunately during that chase, he managed to hit a further nine vehicles. Needless to say, the police arrested him at his home and took him into custody.

Hooch-breath Herrera is not expected back at work at the prison anytime in the near future and it is unlikely he will get a custodial sentence for his stupidity, as no one was hurt, but the loss of a prime post and a driving licence may just be punishment enough.

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