There is one one kind of burglary you don’t report, and that is when your house contains something illegal… like drugs.

Well, that is a quantum leap of logic for some of our fellow citizens and proof of this is the man who reported a robbery complaining that somebody had tried to steal his hashish supply.

Evidently a raid between rival gangs.

Our hero, who lives in Fuente Vaqueros (Cowboy Spring), perhaps in a fit of indignation, phoned the Guardia Civil to say that he was the victim of a violent but failed robbery.

The Guardia Civil were quite keen to know where he lived and ‘interview’ him so he told them. But first they asked, fingering longingly their handcuffs at the side of the phone… how much exactly had the nasty thieves tried to steal. His answer was not only disappointing but wasn’t exactly convincing either; one flowerpot containing a single cannabis plant.

So, sweaty cuffs were stowed and they sped around to the scene of the thwarted robbery.

According to the ‘victim’ he was at home when the thieves forced their way through the front door, one of them carrying a large, wicked knife that would not have looked out of place in somebody’s back. The knife was not only intended to be persuasive but was also ‘there’ to sever the plant stalk, which begs the question, was he expecting Triffids?

Anyway, the plant owner, according to his own account, decided to confront the three men in defence of his cowering plant. More knives appeared, blows were exchanged laced with very hurtful insults, no doubt putting into question sexual orientation and the mothers’ profession.

Again, according to the ‘victim,’ he won… and the three assailants left, leaving the man and jubilant plant to celebrate their lucky escape.

But the thieves were not through because one of them shouted out, before jumping into their disappointed car that he was “Going to take all the marijuana plants in the street,” The is information, again, was supplied by the victim.

Now the Guardia Civil can’t really be accused of being excessively credulous and this case bears this out, because they were inclined not to believe his thoroughly entertaining explanations and immediately began an investigation.

Hugely surprisingly, however, the three alleged crooks not only existed but were actually arrested, standing accused of being connected with the incident.

Unless somebody claims otherwise – and the plant is keeping mum, the victim cannot be charged with anything because he claims to have had only one flowerpot of ‘cannabis sativa’ which was for his own use.

Unless the gang targeted the wrong house, they might well disagree with the victim’s claim.

(News: Fuente Vaqueros, Granada, Andalucia)