The Anxiety Behind Letting Go

WoWise letting goSome may accuse me of waxing lyrical after they read me baring my soul a little before you all, but I’m in the mood this morning and you don’t have to read it if you don’t want to…

As I’m two days’ away from my 16-year old’s first trip abroad with her school, I find myself doing some soul searching about the realities of being a mother.

I know she has to go and I know it will be good for her. However, deep inside me there still exists this need to hold her completely and place her safely in my pocket forever.

I wouldn’t call myself a control freak but if I could just get the whole world to stop dead and let her through to huge success and happiness without any major interruptions or obstacles of great concern, then I would. So shoot me, there, I admit it.

But no, this isn’t going to happen and my baby will have to face all the trials and tribulations that are on offer and scarily, some that get forced upon her. So what can I do?

This morning all I’m up to really is to stand back and let nature take its course, within all the safety-net provisions I can muster (quietly and perhaps not so inconspicuously) and pray like crazy that whatever force governs the universe will bring her back safe and sound. Wish me luck!

I don’t think I’m much more neurotic than the next, but I can feel this great wave of anxiety rising up inside me about all the characters that feature in my personal life. Don’t get me started on my other precious child and forget even going down the track of my elderly parents. My husband, well, he’s the one I turn to as my rock of support and I guess when he’s feeling his strength and resolve eroded, he comes to me.

So where do I go? That’s easy, my dear faithful labrador. He’s the one who always listens without commenting and watches me carefully to gauge how I’m truly feeling without judging. Anyone who’s ever had a pet like him (even though I feel he’s unique!) will share the joy of this special bond.

But then, what happens to him if I have to go away for an extended period of time? Well that’s an easy one because the only place he feels truly confident and happy (apart from home of course) is at Perros Si with Chris and Claire and their family.

Now, I didn’t start this off as a plug for them, but the reality is that there are very few things that we can depend on. I’m relieved to point out that their kennels and cattery sanctuary is one of them. The proof in the pudding, as any mother will tell you when they’ve left their little one at school, is seeing how happily our he trots off to spend holiday time with them! Enough said, as far as I’m concerned.

I’m off to face my next challenge, in search of any reliable points of reference that can keep me relatively sane in this crazy place, or at least distract me enough so that I don’t notice. Keep positive, folks!

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