Why Are You So Rude?

It is amazing that you can be so rude without a single swear word. You can be rude without even saying a word. You can use swear words and not be rude. You can be rude and not even realise you are being rude. How complicated!

For what reason are people rude? Sometimes it is a lack of education, sometimes it is just plain ignorance, whilst other times, it is just a bad day. We must accept that some days you are the pigeon and other days you are the statue. However, some people allow the bad day to spread into weeks, months or years and it cripples their life.

I have a regular elderly client, who we shall call Cecilia. Cecilia hated herself for years for being grumpy and for being rude. She knows she is rude and complaining but she cannot stop it. She describes it as a bad habit that is ruining her life, so much so that she has felt suicidal at times.

After a series of sessions we began to discover that her behaviour was a resentment and jealousy of other people in her life, particularly family members, who never seemed to encounter bad luck. They seemed to get all the lucky breaks and did not appear to have any problems. They did not care about her. Part of the therapy was for her to ask these people what they felt, what was going on in their life and how had her behaviour affected them?  It turned out of course everyone had their own problems. Her rudeness and grumpiness had driven them away, rather than those people abandoning her. She had the realisation that she had to take responsibility for her own actions and the impact she was having on her friends and family.

Cecilia is now one of the highlights of my working week, where we now focus on achieving goals rather than fighting fires. She is a real fun character who keeps me on my toes. She now uses humour to stop herself from being so grumpy and also as a defence against other people’s rudeness.

My Dad does the same. The other day he got on to a crowded bus and no one gave him a seat. As the bus shook and rattled, my father’s walking cane slipped on the floor and he fell. As he got up, a 7-year-old boy, sitting nearby, turned to him and said, “If you put a little rubber thingy on the end of your stick, it wouldn’t slip.” My father quickly answered back, “Well, if your daddy did the same thing seven years ago, I would have a seat today.”  Game, set and match to the pensioner!

Here on the Costa Tropical we have to be even more careful because of the multi-cultural differences within our society. For example, if we described a man as being green in the UK we would mean he was being naive. In Spain it would mean he was sexually rude.  Not only can we get into trouble with what we say, but even our gestures can catch us out.  My husband has forgotten how many times he has told his lawyer not to put two fingers up to his client when talking numbers, as his clients always think they are being told to go away in an impolite manner. The lawyer is just trying to help the clients understand the number ‘two.’  Arghhh…So many rules!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *