The village medical centre is bumping along, as usual, firing on only three cylinders – that’s what the PP claim, and who would disagree with them?

The problems began in 2004 when the centre lost its doorman-cum-secretary-appointment ticket dispenser. Since then, if you wish to see a doctor, you have to get up half an hour before you go to bed and snatch a ticket from one of those ticket dispensers that you find at the butchers. You then sit around all morning, crooning at your ticket with the vague hope that you will be attended to before everybody goes home for the day.

Then there was the flash of optimism when it was announced that you could obtain your appointment via the Internet or telephone. Nothing happened though – surprise!

You would think that with nearly 5,000 residents in winter and 12,000 in the summer, the village would have its own ambulance, but you would be wrong.

The answer is; don’t get sick – not even ‘sick and tired’ because the regional health board won’t take a blind bit of notice anyway.