I hope that the English slowly get to like their hung parliament, after all we have had hung parliaments forever. You just get more for your money: it is not only the opposition calling the government incompetent and vice versa, no, apart from the wing squabbles of each party, you get the ups and downs of the government in Big Brother style. Look, the previous coalition between conservatives and social democrats was so cosy that only Siamese twins were sitting on the government benches, one of them dreaming of the raunchy greens, the other of the sexy liberals.

The electorate was kind, the operation was successful and the divided twins went their own ways. It was a dream about to become true, conservatives and liberals unified in a strong government, but the conservatives seemed too liberal and the liberals too conservative. ‘Mum’ Merkel and ‘Diva’ Guido Westerwelle holding their fights in front of the cameras, forgetting that in Big Brother you can get voted off!

How I enjoyed Guido’s, “Well, one may however still be allowed to say” phrases (yes, we do speak like that in Germany, that’s why we have no sense of humour) calling the long-term unemployed decadent, like the ancient Romans, conveniently forgetting that despite their ‘Law for the Acceleration of Economic Growth’ (yes, in Germany the economy listens to the politicians), there never again will be enough work for all of them. How I enjoyed how they slaughtered our conservative President after his resignation, commenting that you can’t trust somebody having entered politics from a different quarter! Thus they don’t trust their people, because our constitution states that every citizen has the right to vote and to be elected to any office; not only politicians. Anyway, the new President will be a lot better, looking at his CV he is that smooth that we won’t even notice too much that we have a president.

I am also a big advocate of the idea to auction off licences for the nuclear power stations due to be shut down. This shows why we Germans are a leading nation, because we found out that by the industry paying a lot of money, the power stations automatically become safer! And we could auction off even more, for example, Angela Merkel. I already see the Maldives spending a lot of money on her. Hasn’t she proclaimed after the different climate summits that we have made big steps towards an overall agreement? I am convinced that they would just love to know when she actually intends to start walking again.

We could also auction off our army and police force. Privatising them would just give our government enormous financial resources, which they could use to help the banks, Hypo Real estate for example. And they would only have to listen to their owners, who would give them the equipment they need, not to dithering politicians. Or is the latter not well thought through? Privatising the railway is good? And nationalising the debts of the banks, too? I’m afraid I’ve got to work this Paradox out for myself before I continue.