Lengthy Litigation
The Ed has informed me that a reader mentioned to him that the World Section could sometimes appear a bit trivial and lacking in substance. Well, to redress this situation I intend to make sure the section has plenty of weighty journalism with stories of profound importance to society.
We start with a resident of Quebec in Canada, who is taking the manufacturer of his ‘penis-extension’ device to court. He claims that despite over 500 hours of use, he has seen absolutely no change in the length of his measly member.
He is claiming 762 dollars in moral and punitive damages and to get the cost of the device back, according to the magazine The Consumerist.
The instrument itself cost 262 dollars and is allegedly the deluxe version of the device that promises to extend the average penis size by four times! Surely that would turn the average male into a tripod! Well, whatever the long and the short of the story, the judge will be making his measured decision in about six weeks. (Stiff sentence, no doubt – Ed)
Fox Hunt
One of the most popular pastimes in the Grondno region of Belarus is fox hunting. Not the type of fox hunting one sees in Great Britain, with bloodthirsty posh people on horses and loads of dogs, just a simple walk in the countryside with a gun. But even that can go horribly wrong… especially if the fox decides to shoot back at you!
Our hopeless hunter spotted his target some distance away, but still managed to hit the fox with his first shot.
On approaching the animal, he realised that he had only ‘winged’ it, and decided to put the animal out of its misery by placing the butt of his rifle on it’s neck. At this point, the fiery fox decided to put up a bit of a fight, and during this struggle it’s paw caught on the trigger of the rifle, discharging it and hitting the hunter in the leg.
The fox jumped up, thought about having another go at firing the weapon again, decided against it and ran off into the distance with nothing more that a bit of a scratch. The hunter ended up hospital having to explain to the police how he managed to get himself shot by a fox!
Apartment Abuse
Many of you will have seen footage of people in China being evicted from their homes for them to be bulldozed to make way for new building befitting the progressive and rich China that now exists.
One of the most amazing stories comes from the city of Mianyang, where Zhao Yanhong and his wife lived on the top floor of a six-floor building owned by his employers. When his employers filed for bankruptcy they sold the building to another company who decided to knock it down.
Chinese law demands compensation for occupants under these circumstances, but is very often a ridiculously low sum, which is where the conflict starts.
In this case Zhao refused to accept the pitiful amount of money that he had been offered to leave his top floor apartment and was prepared for a lengthy confrontation with the new owners. But he was to be disappointed, as they proceeded to completely destroy the lower floors and stairwell, leaving him stranded on the top floor.
Even the Chinese press produced incredible photos of the destruction, showing the lone apartment on the top floor with total destruction below.
As for Zhao, well he managed to climb down to the street, and is now looking for housing elsewhere for him and his family.
Such organisations as the China Human Rights Defenders are bringing many of these cases to the public eye, trying to shame the companies that resort to non-payment of compensation and the use of violence to make the most of the real estate ‘bubble’ in China.
Domestic Duties?
We’re off to the Colombian city of Pereira now, where a 45-year-old man has been ordered by a local judge to pay his former maid compensation for the sexual favours she gave him as well as the cleaning and tidying duties.
El Espectador, a local newspaper, says that since 2006, Constance, 38, has kept detailed records of all payments and non-payments for her cleaning and sexual services. It claims her boss came to a mutual arrangement with her to pay 20,000 pesos (around 10 euros) for each sexual session.
The agreement between employer and employed was to have sex after she had finished her cleaning tasks and tidied the apartment. Both were happy to fulfil their side of the arrangement for two years, but for some reason, the man stopped paying for the sexual services… but Constance continued to provide ‘extras’ for a further two years.
When Constance took her boss to court, he immediately offered to pay her around 1,500 euros, but she refused the amount, saying it was nowhere near enough for the amount of hard work she had done.
The judge looked very carefully at all the services provided by Constance and calculated that her boss should pay 6,000 euros, and the man realising he could argue no more, decided to pay.
The judge said that there was an agreement between two adults, and the woman in this case fulfilled her part completely, and it is no different to a woman working in a brothel… a service is supplied and money changes hands.
A woman who performs a wide range of domestic duties and then has occasional sex with the man of the house during which she pretends to enjoy herself, she then takes money from him… why didn’t he just marry her? (Because marriage contracts have a headache clause – Ed)
Semen Sickness
Dutch scientists think they have cracked the recently discovered problem that some men have been suffering in which they become ill with flu like symptoms immediately after an orgasm. It turns out they are probably allergic to their semen.
The syndrome, known as POIS, or post orgasmic illness syndrome, was first discovered and documented in 2002, with symptoms after orgasm such as feverishness, runny nose, extreme fatigue and burning eyes, which can last up to a week.
Although now documented, POIS is relatively unknown amongst GP’s, which is believed to be due to men feeling ashamed and confused about their condition. However, help is at hand, as the same Dutch scientists are running trials that seem to be extremely effective. It was first thought that the symptoms were psychological, but the discovery that is an auto-allergic reaction leaves the way open to hypo-sensitisation therapy that appears to dramatically reduce or even completely alleviate the problem.
In a study, volunteers were treated using this well-known technique for treating allergies, which repeatedly exposes the body to tiny amounts which gradually increase, of the allergen (their diluted semen) over several years.
With promising initial results, the team in Holland are now starting several more POIS patients on hypo-sensitisation therapy. I haven’t had a good dose of flu in ages! (Come again? – Ed)
Ashes to Ashes
We have always liked a good ‘stupid criminal’ story at The Gazette, and although this one was reported widely throughout the world, it still deserves a mention.
A couple of nasty thieves broke into a woman’s house in Silver Springs Shores in central Florida and proceeded to help themselves to anything they could carry. Obviously having seen films where the rich and famous keep their drugs in big glass bowls on a table or in ceramic jars on a shelf for visitors to use, they stole two rather nice ceramic containers containing powder, along with jewellery and electrical items.
The thieves were apprehended a week later trying to break into another house in the area.
They admitted breaking into the previous house and said that they had been very disappointed with the drugs they had snorted from the two ceramic containers… you’ve probably already guessed, but remember these are not the brightest of criminals and you can only imagine the look on their faces when the policeman explained to them that they had snorted the cremated ashes of the householders husband and two pet Great Danes! Priceless!
Chinese Horns
During last year I did a small article on Zhang Ruifang, and elderly Chinese woman who had sprouted a horn from her forehead.
Well, just to show this problem is not exclusive to women, we give you Huang Yuanfan, and 84-year-old Chinese man who has sprouted a similar appendage from the back of his head.
Once again the phenomenon has baffled medical experts since it appeared two years ago, and it has just continued to grow to reach almost three inches.
“I tried picking at it and even filing it (yuk!), but nothing changed it. The horn just kept getting bigger,” Huang explained.
“Doctors say they don’t know what caused it but if they try to take it off it will just grow back. I try to hide it beneath a hat, but if it gets much longer it will be sticking out of the top,” he said.
So, in conclusion… filing your horn just makes it grow bigger… where did I put my tool kit? (You filed it away? – Ed)
Sun Bed Prison
This story is just a little bit strange, as it involves one of Russia’s most notorious prisons, introducing sun beds for the use of inmates.
The Tass news agency reported on the story, including an interview with the federal prisons service spokesman, Viktor Dezhurov, who said that the tanning beds at Moscow’s Butyrskaya prison would be installed and ready for use in time for the 240th anniversary celebrations this year… seems strange to celebrate 240 years of man’s ability to inflict suffering on his own kind.
Anyway, back to the story, Mr. Dezhurov was also quoted as saying that the tanning beds are being installed to compensate for the lack of natural light in the cells. However, inmates will have to pay 10 rubbles a minute, which I think is about 10 euro cents. You can imagine the inmates lining up with their goggles for this instead of buying cigarettes can’t you?
The prison last came to international notice in 2009 when a young lawyer called Sergei Magnitsky died from pancreas disease in dismal conditions after receiving inadequate medical care.
Dog Ransom
Quite a few years ago in 1960’s Britain, if you wanted to own a dog you had to get a licence. The charge was around five old shillings, payable at the Post Office. The Ed will remember such payments, as he was only in his early 30’s around that time. (Bitch! – Ed)
Well, a very similar payment is required in the Swiss village of Reconvilier, which has 280 dogs along with 2,245 human inhabitants. This story centres on the way the local authority has decided to ensure payment of the tax… by threatening to destroy the dogs belonging to owners who don’t cough up.
Local official Pierre-Alain Nemitz says a law from 1904 allows the village to destroy dogs, if the owners don’t pay the tax and he also says the idea of enforcing the law, “Isn’t about a mass execution of dogs; it’s meant to put pressure on people who don’t cooperate.”
The reason for this dodgy doggy demand is that there are hundreds of thousands of euros outstanding in dog owner taxes, and in these difficult times the local council could really do with that money.
However, Mr. Nemitz has admitted that the council has received several death threats since news of the plan got out.
Nazi Canine Comic
This story has even been aired on the BBC, which would normally mean that it wouldn’t make the World Section, however, when you have a good shaggy-dog story; it seems a shame to waste it.
Recently discovered documents have revealed a World War II story about a dog that annoyed the Nazis so much they got diplomats to gather information about the family that owned it and even attempted to destroy the owner’s pharmaceutical business.
Apparently, the mirthful mutt would raise his paw in a mock Nazi salute, causing the owner’s wife to give him the nickname ‘Hitler.’ However, the Nazi’s were not renowned for their sense of fun, and even though it was just months before they launched their attack on the Soviet Union, they were still obsessed with stopping the dog mocking their Fuhrer.
Unfortunately for the nasty Nazi’s, the dog and it’s owners lived in the Finnish city of Tampere, which made them difficult to stop.
The papers documenting this bizarre episode were found amongst 30 files containing correspondence and diplomatic cables located in the Foreign Office archives in Germany. They also revealed that their anger at the dog may well have been fuelled by the fact that the owner, Tor Borg, was married to Josefine, who was a German citizen who was known for her anti-Nazi sentiments and is believed to have trained the clever canine to raise her paw as soon as she heard the word ‘Hitler’ much to the amusement of everyone that witnessed it. The dog itself was a Dalmatian crossbreed called Jackie, who during the entire episode was blissfully unaware she was the subject of such Nazi hatred.
Despite a long investigation, diplomats were unable to gather enough evidence to prosecute the Borg’s (or their dog) leaving Mr. Borg’s company to eventually become the leading pharmaceutical company in the Nordic region and for Jackie to lead a quiet life until she died of natural causes.